Hey everyone! I just wanted to give an update about my progress so far! Around August 2023 I hired a professional editor to go over my manuscript. They read through everything and gave me extensive and helpful feedback. Then I made revisions and sent it back to them for a second read-through. Because of the amazing feedback from my editor, she recommended that I try and go for traditional publishing! So by the end of November 2023 I was ready to start querying agents. I've been querying since then, and unfortunately haven't gotten a bite yet. But I'm going to keep trying. Anyway, I wanted to post some of the positive feedback from my editor on here!
"Absolutely phenomenal opening sentence. What a way to start the chapter!! Really brilliant way to set the tone of the chapter and to grip the reader in instant suspense."
"I’m hooked! Really love the human element to this story and how we’re tackling grief and loss so early on in the book"
"...you’ve done so well at creating tension and suspense here with the character development "
"Generally the pacing was great. The plot flowed well and there was enough dialogue/emotional introspection to keep the reader hooked."
"As with chapter one the dialogue is generally flawless. It is concise, meaningful and carries the emotions of the reader."
"Fantastic description of the process of making the elixir. Completely captivating and magical to read. I could completely imagine each step, and there’s a reverence mixed with fear here that works brilliantly"
"The pacing is snappy and breakneck here, all combining to create a tense and volatile atmosphere"
"Brilliant plot here. It’s gripping me by the throat!"
"The pacing is fantastic, the imagery brilliant. It’s completely captivating and I was hooked."
"Very interesting that we’re now getting things from Alice’s pov. I’m very interested to see how this changes the story!"
"You’ve made both POVs feel very distinctive which is an impressive feat. Alice reads so differently to her father, and it comes through in her thinking, her body language, and the way she handles her emotions. Brilliantly done."
"I really like getting to know Alice more. She’s very relatable and a girl after my own heart with her social interests which makes me like her instantly."
"Alice is a brilliant character and just leaping off the page. She’s such a vibrant character and feels so real already, only one chapter into her pov."
"You have me completely hooked by what’s going on and what we can believe and trust in. It’s exciting, mysterious and intriguing."
"I really like the twist on vampirism here as well. With him craving blood, being immortal, and how he will avoid sunlight the more he descends into darkness. A very clever reimagining of vampire lore."
"You’ve achieved a difficult balance with the dialogue in the latter half of this chapter where they’re explaining everything to Alice. A lot of the time this would become a huge info dump and become bogged down and slow. But you’ve explained all the information with smooth flowing, engaging dialogue. It’s not in any way slow or heavy, and you intersperse reactions throughout the speech so that it isn’t just one block of monologue. Really very skilled writing here "
"The mystery is killing me! You are such a talented writer, it’s so intricate and complex, and I am completely captivated."
"Again, your dialogue just flows off the page and reads so naturally. It reads like a real conversation and isn’t wooden in the slightest"
"You’ve written the sibling rivalry so well. All those small annoyances like slamming the car door etc and the glares they send each other. It’s funny but there’s also something darker lurking behind their friction that I’m dying to uncover"
"The silence in the beginning of the chapter is fantastic – there’s a tension overlying everything that feels like a countdown to a bomb exploding."
"Some good worldbuilding with the larkspur and what it can be used for. I like that as well as elemental magic they rely a lot on herbal potions etc. This link to nature adds a very realistic element to the novel as we know that herbs and plants are used for medicinal purposes. That they were used for these purposes is therefore not a huge leap for the imagination and really makes it feel like this could all be real."
"Fantastic cliffhanger to the chapter!! Has me racing to the next one, dying to know more."
"This was a phenomenal chapter. So intense and exciting, with a brilliant pace and some incredible descriptions. Absolutely amazing writing. It’s finally at the big reveal [SPOILER REMOVED]. It’s so tense and exciting, and as a reader I was struggling not to speed read the whole chapter "
"This chapter was such a sucker punch to the heart!! You made me cry. It was full of heavy grief and loss, and poignant heartfelt goodbyes. A really fantastic chapter that was a complete pleasure to read."
"You interwove Alice’s sadness into the story from early on, with her supporting her father and grieving his health etc. It worked brilliantly and it makes this moment feel so real and believable because we’ve seen the foundations of this overwhelming grief in her long before the events of the book"
"You do a fantastic job of building this supernatural world into the real world that we know."
"What a fantastic final chapter. Wow. I feel hollowed out and emotionally drained in the best way possible. Absolutely brilliant ending that fit the novel perfectly and left me with so many feelings. "
"I loved the plot of this story. The dual POV is a very interesting plot structure for a novel like this, and it works amazingly well. It allowed us to get a close insight into both Fosters, and because of this I legitimately cried at the ending when [SPOILER]. Overall the plot is fantastic. I loved the emphasis on research and scholarship, which gave all the worldbuilding a great sense of depth. Having the reader know about [SPOILER] was such a master stroke of genius. My blood pressure was high when I was reading this book as I was desperately waiting for someone to figure something out and realise [SPOILER]. "
"The ending of this book left me an emotional mess, and I really love the fact you left the ending vague and ambiguous. We get glimmers of hope that Alice will be alright, but it’s not confirmed and I love that the reader can speculate about what happens to her once they turn the final page. "
"The dialogue was great throughout. Other than a few tiny suggestions here and there it was all brilliant. You have a talent for writing believable, realistic dialogue. It didn’t feel wooden or stilted, and generally flowed very well. You avoided histrionics and cliched dialogue as well which also helps to make the speech feel natural. All in all, very well handled. "
"I loved the world you’ve created here. The way you place a layer of the supernatural under the fabric of the world as we know it was brilliant. The little tidbits of information you drop about this make this feel so natural too and are very cleverly woven into the novel. For instance, the way you elude to the fact that cold cases are potentially linked to the Chosen was fantastic and really made the world feel grounded in reality. I loved the use of recognisable herbs and plants that are used, and the whole plot point about The Grey was really fantastic "
"Because you allow the actions and dialogue to speak for itself and to show the reader the dynamic between them and the feelings/thoughts each character has, the scene carries much more impact. It lets the reader immerse themselves more into the story by having to think about what they’re each feeling and processing in the moment, thus allowing the reader to connect with them already on a deeper level."
"It feels tight, with every word now necessary and important to the story. You’re also showing you trust the reader to understand the characters’ emotions/thoughts by not repeating anything, which makes for a much more immersive read overall. "
"I am loving reading this a second time and picking up on all the bits I missed, like [SPOILER]. On the first read it was just interesting information, but it has so much more meaning now! Things like this are just testament to how good your writing is, showing how things can have double meaning and making it rewarding for readers to read through it again to try and catch these little hints."
"They’re all brief descriptions but add so much to the story, adding layers and nuance to the characters that not only help the reader understand them more, but also simply makes the scene so much more vivid and immersive. It’s not repetitive either, with each show of emotion being unique in the scene, highlighting the fact that these characters are distinct personalities with different ways of showing emotion in the scene and processing what’s happening."
"[SPOILER]'s emotional state and the description of his spiraling sanity is really brilliant here. It was good in the previous version but now it just sings, with the chapter being incredibly heartbreaking and dramatic. With the recapping of events being generally tighter and more concise, it allows for his emotions to really come to the fore, making it a very powerful exploration of his character. "
"The [SPOILER] was [SPOILER]...I literally gasped. Love it!! What a fantastic way of bringing a piece of famous history into the book and making your plot feel grounded in reality. It’s such a clever idea and works brilliantly! Like Alice it made me think of other historical events that could perhaps have a supernatural explanation."
"It was strong before, but the changes you’ve made here to make this whole scene more dramatic and vivid work incredibly well. The whole scene is now gripping me by the throat. It feels even more tense and dangerous with its faster pace, letting the actions speak for themselves without the filter of Alice’s thoughts and reasoning. "
"Again, you do a great job of tying the supernatural into the ‘normal’ understood world, giving it a solid foundation and making it feel more believable. "
"I knew it was coming (from our discussions) and it still hit me so hard. The moment [SPOILER] made me want to scream. The look [SPOILER] gives her just completely tore my heart from my chest. He’s not even angry, he’s just confused and devastated which is so much worse. It’s awful and so, so emotional."
"You made me cry again. The emotion in these last two chapters is so raw and beautiful that I can’t help but cry as I read it even for the second time. Truly wonderfully done, it’s a gorgeous way to end this story whilst also leaving that glimmer of hope at the end to carry the reader onto the next book. Really phenomenal writing."
"I just wanted to say though that this is seriously a brilliant story. It was great before but the changes you’ve made have just elevated it further and it just sings. You have a wonderful novel here and I have no doubt I’ll be sharing my love for it with other readers."
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